My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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