I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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