So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
