is your mom at the bar?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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