it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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