found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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