let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
