no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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