goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
