can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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