I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
