wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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