Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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