I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
