you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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