I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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