I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
