Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
