So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
