Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
