Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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