ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
