the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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