We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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