Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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