ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
