Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
