So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
