Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
