Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
