I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
