My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
