Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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