So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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