That's intense
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
