He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
