I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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