Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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