I'm laying in your front yard are you home
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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