I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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