At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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