is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
