Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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