My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
