can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
