eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
