were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
