i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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