You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
