she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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