He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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