video games are the ultimate cock blocker
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize