pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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