Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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