drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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