im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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