god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
