i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
