You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
