drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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