yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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