Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and she was petting her beer can
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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