allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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