I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
