I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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